5 Steal-Worthy Secrets of the World‘s Best Hostage Negotiators

Imagine for a moment that you‘re a hostage negotiator. You‘re facing a ticking clock, a high-pressure standoff, and lives hanging in the balance. Every word, every inflection, every moment of silence is a tactical decision.

Welcome to the world of crisis negotiation, where the stakes are life-and-death, the margin for error razor-thin. This is the arena where skills like emotional intelligence, clear communication, and quick creative thinking get pressure-tested to the max.

While you hopefully won‘t ever find yourself talking down an armed assailant, you likely do face your fair share of high-stakes negotiations. Whether you‘re closing an enterprise deal or simply haggling over your cable bill, the principles that guide hostage negotiators can help you keep your cool and secure the best outcome when tensions are running hot.

So what can we learn from the world‘s most elite negotiators? Here are five secrets to steal from their playbook.

1. Build Trust and Rapport Right Out of the Gate

According to former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator Chris Voss, the key to defusing any crisis situation is building trust. And the foundation of trust is empathy.

"The number one rule in any hostage, crisis or kidnapping situation is to show the person you‘re negotiating with that you understand their situation and their feelings," says Voss.

One technique Voss teaches is "tactical empathy" – demonstrating an understanding of the other person‘s perspective, even if you don‘t necessarily agree with it. This could mean saying something like:

"It sounds like you feel frustrated that we haven‘t been able to reach an agreement yet."

Labeling the other party‘s likely emotions has a paradoxical effect. It actually makes them feel heard and disarms some of those negative feelings. This is one way to quickly build rapport and put emotionally elevated people at ease.

In a business context, you can use tactical empathy to validate a customer‘s complaints or spotlight a prospect‘s unspoken concerns. The more trust you build from the outset, the more leverage you‘ll have when it comes time to make an ask.

2. Listen Way More Than You Talk

We often think of negotiating as a battle of arguments, a contest to see who can persuade the other side to see it their way. But in reality, the most effective negotiators spend the majority of their time listening, not speechifying.

Listening is so powerful because:

1. It puts you in an information-gathering mindset. The other party will give you crucial clues about their position and priorities.

2. It makes the other side feel respected and understood, priming them to be more receptive to your perspective.

Voss teaches his negotiators to aim for a 80/20 listening-to-talking ratio. And when they do speak, it‘s usually to ask open-ended questions that will surface more information.

Some examples:

• "Can you tell me more about your main priorities in this deal?"
• "What led you to that point of view?"
• "What would a successful outcome look like for you?"

Resist the urge to propose solutions right away. Ask probing questions, restate what you‘re hearing in your own words, and give the other party space to fully explain their perspective. This will give you valuable intel, make them feel more understood, and set you up to propose a solution they‘ll more readily accept.

3. Mirror to Build Subconscious Rapport

Ever noticed how you start picking up the speech patterns and mannerisms of someone you really click with? There‘s a psychological reason for that. We subconsciously trust and feel more at ease with people who seem similar to us.

The best hostage negotiators use this principle to accelerate rapport-building. They subtly mirror the other person‘s communication style, matching their tone, tempo, volume, and even their body language.

If the person they‘re talking to speaks slowly and methodically, they‘ll do the same. If they lean forward, the negotiator will subtly match that posture. If they use certain keywords or phrases, the negotiator will echo them back.

This doesn‘t mean parroting the other person. It‘s about capturing the essence of how they communicate. Done skillfully, mirroring helps the other side let their guard down and see you as an ally.

In a sales context, pay close attention to the kind of language your prospect uses in emails and conversations. Do they get right down to business or start with small talk? Do they communicate in short sentences or long-winded paragraphs? Do they seem more analytical or more emotive?

Match their communication style and lingo to put them at ease and coax out more information.

4. Offer Face-Saving Offramps

A hostage situation can easily become a volatile emotional powder keg. One of the biggest dangers is the other party feeling backed into a corner with no way out. A skilled negotiator always provides what Voss calls an "offramp" – a way for the hostage-taker to release the captives while saving face.

Often these offramps take the form of what Voss calls "calibrated questions" – queries that encourage the other side to collaboratively brainstorm solutions.

Here‘s an example:

Hostage-taker: "I‘m going to start shooting hostages if you don‘t meet my demands."

Negotiator: "Sounds like there‘s a lot at stake for you here. What do you think would be a reasonable next step for us to avoid any unnecessary harm and start working towards a solution?"

The key is that you‘re not demanding or threatening. You‘re inviting them to propose a way forward that addresses their core concerns. You‘re giving them autonomy within reason.

In a negotiation, any time you sense the other party is getting emotionally activated or digging into their position, try questions like:

• "What can we do to move this conversation in a more positive direction?"

• "Under what circumstances would you be willing to consider [concession X]?"

• "It seems like [their priority] is very important to you. How can we get you what you need while still making this work for both of us?"

You may need to get creative and offer some alternative options, but the key is to always leave them feeling like they have a choice.

5. Use Strategic Pauses

Poets and playwrights will tell you that the white space between the words is just as important as the words themselves. The same is true in negotiation.

Hostage negotiators learn to resist the temptation to fill every conversational gap. Instead, they use strategic silence to apply subtle social pressure and encourage the other side to reveal more.

After asking a question or making a proposal, an expert negotiator will often simply pause and let the silence hang in the air. The other side will feel compelled to fill that void, often saying more than they mean to.

Those extra words give you invaluable clues about their position, priorities and emotional state. And because you‘re not rushing to respond, you have time to really process what they‘re saying and craft an intentional reply.

This can feel very uncomfortable in the moment. But try to sit with that discomfort and just breathe. Often it only takes 10 seconds or so before the other side starts talking again.

In any negotiation, strategic pauses communicate that you‘re truly listening and carefully considering what‘s been said. It conveys that you‘re not desperate or overly eager. It cools down heated emotions and can shift the dynamic in your favor.

The next time you‘re in a high-stakes business negotiation, channel your inner hostage negotiator. Build rapport with genuine empathy. Listen way more than you talk. Offer face-saving ways forward. And embrace the power of silence.

Those skills could spell the difference between a full-blown crisis and a peaceful resolution. Or in the business world, the difference between a lost deal and a successful sale.

The Bottom Line

Hostage negotiators are masters of managing emotions, building trust, and persuading even the most difficult people to come around to their point of view. And they often do it with lives hanging in the balance.

If they can talk down a bank robber or a terrorist, surely their techniques can help you navigate your most challenging business negotiations.

Whether you‘re dealing with an angry customer, a skeptical prospect, or simply trying to make a sale, stealing these five secrets from the world‘s best negotiators can help you keep a cool head, salvage the relationship, and secure the best possible outcome.

Of course, these skills take practice. Start small. Maybe experiment with strategic silence in your next team meeting. Or when a customer raises an objection, see if you can capture their perspective before jumping to solutions.

Like anything, negotiation mastery develops with repetition. But with these five steal-worthy techniques in your back pocket, you‘ll be well-equipped to face down even the most difficult conversations with confidence and grace.

What hostage negotiation secrets would you add to this list? Head to the comments section to share your thoughts!

Sources:

FBI, C. V. (n.d.). Never split the difference: Negotiating as if your life depended on it. HarperCollins.

Voss, C. (n.d.). Never split the difference – blog. Black Swan Ltd. https://blog.blackswanltd.com/home

Breslin, S. (2021, March 17). 5 things I learned as an FBI hostage negotiator. Inc.com. https://www.inc.com/scott-breslin/5-things-i-learned-as-an-fbi-hostage-negotiator.html

Noesner, G. (2011). Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator (First Edition). Random House.

Comparison of Negotiation Techniques

Hostage Negotiation Technique	Traditional Sales Negotiation Tactic
Building genuine rapport through empathy	Focusing on closing the deal over relationship-building
Extensive listening and open-ended questions	Aggressive pitching and pressuring for a commitment
Mirroring speech, tone and body language	Sticking to a pre-planned script
Offering face-saving solution alternatives	Issuing ultimatums and forcing a choice
Deploying strategic silence	Filling every pause with a counteroffer