6 Powerful, Non-Sleazy Phrases to Transform Any Negotiation

Imagine walking into every negotiation with an arsenal of magic words that could help you get exactly what you want. According to leading researchers in communication and persuasion, that‘s not as far-fetched as it sounds.

Studies have found that certain phrases, when delivered at the right moments, can dramatically improve the outcome of a negotiation. Whether you‘re angling for a raise, hammering out a business deal, or convincing your toddler to eat their veggies, these six utterances can shift the dynamics in your favor:

1. "Help me understand your perspective."

Before you jump to counter-offers and compromise, take a step back to truly understand the other party‘s position. Asking them to explain their perspective demonstrates respect and openness, two key ingredients for building trust in a negotiation.

As psychologist and negotiation expert Dr. Andrea Schneider explains, "Inviting the other party to share their viewpoint is disarming. It shows you‘re willing to listen and engage in a collaborative dialogue instead of just trying to ‘win.‘"

In fact, a recent study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that negotiators who used this phrase reached an agreement 56% more often than those who didn‘t. The next time you‘re at an impasse, try saying:

"I appreciate you sharing your concerns. Help me understand your perspective on this issue."

Then actively listen to their response. Not only will you gather valuable intel, you‘ll set a positive tone that can transform an adversarial debate into a problem-solving session.

2. "What matters most to you in this situation?"

Too often, negotiations get hung up on surface-level disagreements. You‘re fixated on a number; they‘re locked into a timeline. But dig a little deeper and you may find that your underlying interests are more aligned than you thought.

As master negotiator William Ury writes in his book Getting Past No, "Your position is something you have decided upon. Your interests are what caused you to so decide."

When you ask someone what really matters to them, you give them an opportunity to reflect on and voice their true needs and motivations. Armed with that knowledge, you can work together to brainstorm creative solutions instead of haggling over a single issue.

For example, imagine you‘re a consultant negotiating a project rate with a client. The conversation might go something like this:

Client: We need to stick to our budget of $5,000 for this project.

You: I understand budget is a key consideration. Help me understand – what matters most to you in this situation? Is it keeping costs down, hitting a certain timeline, or achieving a specific result?

Client: Achieving the result is our top priority. We have some wiggle room in the budget if it ensures a high-quality deliverable.

Aha! Now you have the information you need to propose a solution at a higher price point, perhaps by adjusting the project scope or timeline.

3. "Let‘s look at this from a different angle."

When negotiations stall, it‘s usually because both parties are stubbornly clinging to their original demands. You want X, they want Y, and round and round you go.

That‘s when it‘s time to change course and invite a fresh perspective. Saying "Let‘s look at this from a different angle" signals that you‘re open to creative problem-solving and encourages the other party to temporarily set aside their position and brainstorm alternatives.

Management professor Katie Shonk describes this strategy in an article for the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School. "Reframing a contentious discussion in terms of gains rather than losses…can be an effective means of de-escalating tension and engaging the other party in problem-solving," she writes.

For instance, you might use this phrase when negotiating the terms of a job offer:

Hiring Manager: I‘m sorry but we just can‘t meet your salary requirements for this role.

Candidate: I understand my target salary is higher than your approved range. Let‘s look at this from a different angle – what other elements of the compensation package could help us bridge that gap? I‘m open to considering additional benefits, equity, or a guaranteed bonus structure based on performance.

By expanding the realm of what‘s on the table, you open up possibilities for value-creating tradeoffs. A little creative thinking can uncover solutions that satisfy everyone‘s core interests.

4. "I want to make sure we find a solution that works well for both of us."

This disarming phrase is a direct appeal to the other party‘s self-interest. Of course they want an outcome that works well for them! By explicitly expressing your commitment to their satisfaction, you immediately put them at ease.

You‘re conveying that your goal isn‘t to extract maximum value for yourself, but to create a mutually beneficial agreement. That‘s a powerful foundation for collaborative problem-solving.

Wharton professor Adam Grant frequently uses this phrase in his own negotiations. In an interview with Business Insider, he explains, "My aim is to find common ground by identifying what my counterpart cares about and proposing solutions that satisfy both of our interests."

You might pull this phrase out when a customer balks at your proposed price:

Customer: That‘s way more than we budgeted for this purchase.

Salesperson: I hear you – it‘s a significant investment. I want to make sure we find a solution that works well for both of us. If we could find a way to adjust the terms to better fit your budget while still meeting my revenue targets, would you be open to moving forward? I‘m confident we can find a win-win path.

Negotiation isn‘t a zero-sum game. Framing the conversation in terms of mutual benefit sets the stage for an integrative agreement that expands the pie for everyone.

5. "I‘m confident we can find a way to make this work."

Optimism is a powerful negotiation tool. When you express confidence in a positive outcome, you inject energy and momentum into the conversation.

Legendary sports agent Molly Fletcher, who has negotiated over $500 million in contracts, swears by the power of positive thinking. In an article for Forbes, she writes, "Negotiation often comes down to mindset. If you believe that an agreement is possible, you will work harder and more creatively to find one."

Try deploying this phrase when the other party seems discouraged or doubtful about reaching a deal:

Supplier: We‘re so far apart on these contract terms. I just don‘t see a path forward.

Buyer: I know we have some challenging discrepancies to resolve, but I‘m confident we can find a way to make this work. We both stand to benefit hugely from this partnership. If we keep the dialogue open and get creative, I believe we‘ll get there.

Simply refusing to entertain the possibility of failure can keep negotiations on track even when the odds seem slim. Optimism begets persistence, and persistence begets breakthroughs.

6. "Please let me know if I‘m misunderstanding anything."

Negotiations can easily run off the rails due to miscommunication and erroneous assumptions. One party thinks the other is being greedy; the other party thinks their interests are being ignored.

Luckily, you can head off many misunderstandings with a simple clarifying question. After restating your interpretation of the other party‘s position, check in to make sure you‘ve got it right.

Mediator and negotiation coach Kwame Christian recommends using this phrase frequently to test your assumptions. "Asking for clarification shows that you‘re committed to truly understanding their perspective," he explains in his popular TED talk.

For example, you might say:

Employee: From our conversation so far, it sounds like you‘re open to the promotion but hesitant to increase my salary to the level I proposed. You mentioned budget constraints and wanting to be fair to the team. Am I understanding your position correctly? Please let me know if I‘m misunderstanding anything.

Manager: You‘ve captured my perspective well. I should also add that while your proposed salary is a stretch, we may have more flexibility if we can align it with additional responsibilities and quantifiable targets. But you‘re correct that fairness and budget are my primary concerns here.

When you give the other party a chance to correct your assumptions, you demonstrate respect for their point of view. You also create space for them to reveal additional information or motivations you may not have considered.

Putting It All Together

The six phrases outlined here aren‘t magic incantations – their true power comes from the spirit of empathy, respect and collaboration they convey. As you incorporate them into your negotiation practice, remember that delivery matters as much as content.

To maximize their impact, use these phrases:

  • At strategic moments when the negotiation seems stuck or tensions are rising
  • With authentic curiosity and a genuine commitment to finding a mutually beneficial solution
  • In a calm, neutral tone free of sarcasm or aggression

Like any skill, negotiating artfully takes practice. Start by identifying a few upcoming situations to try these phrases out, whether it‘s discussing a project deadline with a colleague or choosing a restaurant for dinner with your partner.

Pay attention to how the conversation shifts when you invite the other party to share their perspective, surface underlying interests, or brainstorm alternative solutions. Notice how much more pleasant the experience is when you approach it as an opportunity to collaborate rather than an adversarial battle.

Over time, you‘ll start to internalize this approach until it becomes your default mode of interacting. Not only will you maximize your value in formal negotiations, you‘ll strengthen your relationships and expand your opportunities in every area of life. And that‘s the biggest win of all.

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