Everybody‘s Favorite Passive-Aggressive Comment? Let‘s Rephrase That
You know the phrase. It‘s the one that makes you cringe a little every time it pops up in your inbox:
"As per our conversation…"
If you‘re like most professionals, you‘ve been on the sending and receiving end of this tired phrase more times than you can count. In fact, a recent survey of 1,000 office workers found that 78% have used "as per our conversation" in a work email, while a startling 81% reported finding it annoying or even passive-aggressive when they‘re on the receiving end.
So why do we keep defaulting to this stuffy, grating phrase? And more importantly, how can we break the cycle and communicate more effectively?
As a sales and marketing leader who has spent years learning the secrets of powerful communication, I‘m on a mission to help us all ditch "as per our conversation" for good. In this post, I‘ll unpack why this phrase falls flat, share 15 alternatives for a variety of contexts, and provide data-backed tips to help you uplevel your communication and build stronger business relationships. Let‘s get started.
The Psychology Behind "As Per Our Conversation"
To understand why "as per our conversation" rubs so many people the wrong way, we first need to examine the psychology of effective communication.
At its core, great communication is about creating a shared understanding and building rapport. It‘s an opportunity to connect authentically, convey ideas with clarity, and collaborate to solve problems and achieve goals.
However, when we lean on stiff, generic phrases like "as per our conversation," we often achieve the opposite effect. The phrase creates distance, casting doubt on whether both parties are truly aligned. It also suggests a power imbalance, where the sender is implying that the receiver has forgotten or failed to follow through on a prior agreement.
As psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendriksen explains, "Passive-aggressive communication is a way of expressing anger or resentment indirectly. The goal is often to make the other person look or feel bad, but without openly confronting them." By couching a reminder or request in "as per our conversation," the subtext is often "you dropped the ball," even if that wasn‘t the sender‘s intent.
But here‘s the thing: We‘re all human. We forget things, we get bogged down with competing priorities, and sometimes we simply don‘t communicate as clearly as we could. In today‘s fast-paced, high-stakes business world, the last thing we need is to add unnecessary tension to our professional relationships.
The good news? By making a few simple shifts in how we communicate, we can transform prickly exchanges into opportunities for clarity, collaboration, and connection.
15 Alternatives to "As Per Our Conversation"
Now that we understand why "as per our conversation" misses the mark, let‘s explore some alternatives for common workplace scenarios. Whether you need to remind a colleague of an action item, share a recap of a meeting, or clarify next steps, there are far more effective ways to get your point across.
Reminding Someone of an Agreed-Upon Action
Instead of: "As per our conversation, you were going to send the report by Friday."
Try:
• "I know we‘re all juggling a lot this week. Wanted to check in and see how that report is coming along ahead of Friday. Let me know if you need any support!"
• "Thanks again for the great discussion earlier. I‘m excited to review the report when it‘s ready on Friday. Please let me know if anything has changed on your end."
• "Friendly reminder that we‘re aiming to wrap up the report by EOD Friday. Appreciate you taking the lead on this! Let me know if you have any questions or need me to jump in."
Recapping Key Takeaways from a Meeting
Instead of: "As per our conversation, we agreed to X, Y, and Z."
Try:
• "Thanks for the productive meeting! To make sure we‘re all on the same page, here‘s a quick recap of our key decisions and next steps: [bullet points]. Please let me know if I missed anything."
• "Great discussion today! Moving forward, my understanding is that [person] will handle X, [person] is on Y, and I‘ll take care of Z. I‘ll also follow up with a more detailed summary via email. Sound good?"
• "Wanted to share a quick meeting recap while it‘s fresh. The high-level plan we landed on is: [summarize]. Let me know if you have any additions or clarifying questions. Excited to bring this to life together!"
Asking for Clarification on a Previous Discussion
Instead of: "As per our conversation, I thought we had agreed to X. But it seems like you‘re saying Y."
Try:
• "You raise a great point. After revisiting my notes from our chat, I realized I may have misunderstood. Could you clarify what you meant by X? Want to make sure we‘re fully aligned."
• "Thanks for flagging that discrepancy. After our last conversation, my impression was [your understanding]. But it sounds like I may have gotten turned around. Mind walking me through your perspective again? I‘m all ears!"
• "Apologies for any confusion on my end! When we last spoke, I heard [summary of your interpretation], but I see now that I missed a key detail. Could you shed some light on [specific point]? I‘m committed to getting this right."
By trading generic references to past conversations for clear, actionable language, you make it easier for everyone to get on the same page and move work forward collaboratively.
The Cost of Poor Communication
Still not convinced it‘s worth reimagining your workplace communication? Consider this:
• A survey by Fierce, Inc. found that a staggering 86% of employees and executives cite lack of collaboration or ineffective communication for workplace failures.
• Poor communication has been estimated to cost companies with 100,000 employees an average of $62.4 million per year.
• In one study of 400 companies with 100,000 employees each, communication barriers were found to result in an average loss per company of $26,041 per employee per year.
• Businesses with effective communication practices are 50% more likely to have lower employee turnover.
The data is clear: Investing in effective communication isn‘t just a nice-to-have – it‘s a business imperative. By taking the time to communicate with clarity, empathy, and authenticity, you can build stronger relationships, boost productivity, and drive better business outcomes.
Putting It into Practice
Learning to communicate more effectively is a journey, not a destination. But by consistently choosing specificity over generalities and empathy over passive-aggression, you‘ll be well on your way to more positive, productive professional interactions.
As you work to phase out "as per our conversation" and level up your communication, keep these action steps in mind:
- Notice when you‘re tempted to use the phrase. Catch yourself in the moment and consider what you really want to express.
- Reflect on the dynamic you want to create. Are you aiming to connect, clarify, collaborate? Keep your true goal at the forefront.
- Choose clear, actionable language. Skip the stuffy jargon and focus on being specific, direct, and solution-oriented.
- Anticipate potential misunderstandings. Put yourself in the recipient‘s shoes and proactively address any confusion or friction.
- Infuse empathy into your message. Aim to make the other person feel heard, supported, and valued, even if you‘re delivering constructive feedback.
As someone who has seen firsthand the transformative power of effective communication, I can‘t stress enough how important this skill is for your career and your relationships. By trading "as per our conversation" for more thoughtful, authentic expressions, you open the door to deeper understanding, increased productivity, and more rewarding partnerships.
So next time you catch yourself typing out everyone‘s least favorite workplace phrase, take a beat and ask yourself: How can I communicate this in a way that truly connects and moves us forward?
Your colleagues – and your inbox – will thank you.
